I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
