she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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