you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
