I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
