So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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