Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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