i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drake has all the answers
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
