I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
