I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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