I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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