Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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