Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
