when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
