Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
