careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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