member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
