well I can't set my house on fire every night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
