Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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