Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
