We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
