Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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