I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
