can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
