can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
