I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
