The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
