How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
