finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
