how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
