yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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