my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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