He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
