I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
