We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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