so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
