I'm lost and stupid without you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
