getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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