You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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