I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's Friday. Sex?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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