dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
