real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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