I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
