she kept yelling 'call me bella'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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