you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
