did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
