So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
