i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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