Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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