I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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