'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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