Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do vagina's smell?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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