What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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