So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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